steven james hanselman is gay.
&& really bad at basketball.
I'm gonna bring this back.
I just deleted this entry.
too bad you missed it.
I vented majorly.
it was probably about you too!
I had a dream about Dane Cook on Friday night. Me and him were pretty much totally into each other, and he was hot and yeah other stuff.
it was amazing and just getting good and then my mom woke me up for a haircut appt.
yeah but anyway, I've decided that I'm going to marry Dane Cook.
he makes me laugh anddddddd yeah.
god that dream was awesome.
I managed to accumulate 28 dollars over the past few days.
band camp is approching quickly, and I keep wondering what I'm going to say at senior circle, I honestly have no idea.
I made salsa from scratch yesterday, go meeee.
I got a 23 on my ACT, I suck at life.
I'm going to retake it.
I'm going to see fireworks soon.
I'm really bored.
ummmm. today, I spent 60 dollars on a purse.
it hurt me a little, but I love it it's amazing.
then I went out to lunch with Amanda.
I missed her.
umm tomorrow I have a flutie sectional. gay.
uhmmmm. oh I watched Lost today, and I watched the first episode.
and now I need to see the rest.
so I'm prolly gonna rent that tomorrow and watch it.
k so I have nothing to do this weekend.
so lets hang out!
So, I just finished a book in less than 24 hours.
it was 200 pages too, & it was really good.
It was called 'Circle the Soul Softly'.
I don't really feel like explaining the whole thing.
but one part talked about soul-mates and it made me wonder.
What if there really is one person that you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, only one. One person who you love with everything you have and when you're with that person time seems to stand-still but manages to slip away so quickly that you didn't even realize that it was passing. But what if you never find them, do you go your whole life looking to fill a void that you feel inside but for some reason feel obligated to supress? That's a really depressing thought, to think that some people may never find their soulmate, assuming that there is such a thing, because if one person doesn't find their soulmate that means that really there are two people in the world looking for eachother. So they just settle, settle for a person who they think that they are in love with, but inside know that they really aren't. They're just looking for a temporary sense of satisfaction, feeling like they love and are loved in return, which really isn't the case at all, because inside they know that they are missing something, something that they know they may never find, so they have just given up.
I think that whole entry was really profound, so I'm sorry if I lost anybody who reads this, at any part. But wouldn't it be horrible to feel like that.
I don't even want to think about it because I really hope I never experience it.
summer is finally here.
but it doesn't feel like it.
If I don't have fun this summer I'm going to be really mad.
I don't know why.
but I am just so freaking mad.
Everyone is turning into a jerk.
well minus a few people.
like, 5 people.
Everyone seems to be getting more immature than mature.
It's getting old.
& there doesn't seem like there is anything I can do to stop it.
It seems like nobody ever wants to hang out?
I honestly have nothing to do ever.
Some of my good friends I haven't hung out with for like.
and I'm running out of things to clean.
ummm I dunno.
I don't know about a lot of stuff.
I'm just really lost.
I miss the way things used to be.
I need a hug.actually. I need about 50
Well, I have some anger built up, and a lack of outlets.
so I figured it would be a good idea to start writing in this again.
Lately I have felt very..un-needed. I don't know how to explain it.
I just feel like people I thought cared about me a lot. Don't really care anymore.
I have 2 people who I tell most of my thoughts too, well 3. Tara, Katie and Amanda.
Even though I tell them, they can't really help me, even though they try.
I have to make the changes.
It's all really frusterating.
I clean as an outlet for stress.
Some people work-out, some people eat, I clean.
Is that weird? it makes me forget why I was upset in the first place.
I love cleaning though, it gives me a feeling of satisfaction.
if anybody ever needs anything cleaned thourougly, I will do it.
for free. & with a smile on my cute little face.
But my back hurts so bad right now.
I can feel the band-drama coming on already, like a disease.
and why do some people feel the need to act differently when they're around certain people.
That's another thing that's been bothering me.
It's really annoying/frusterating/immature.
I think I figured out my problem.
I have a problem confronting people about what is bothering me.
and even if they ask me if something is wrong, I lie, because I don't want to make things worse.
I dunno though.
I don't think I can do this for much longer.
somethings gotta give.